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First off, this is completely out of character for me...but here we go.
It was a little before 4:30 had been having a pretty crummy day and going to the bank typiy isn't what I consider a highlight. Even though you were just doing your job, the fact that you were kind and acted like you genuinely cared about our conversation brought a smile to my face (which I really needed). So thank you for brightening my day and I hope you get to enjoy your weekend more than I will. :)
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And it affected my reaction to men in general for years. Thankfully, a few months of therapy really helped me control my reactions and relearn ways to express myself sexually and emotionally. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for male CSA survivors in a culture that still sees this as more taboo. Thank you for speaking openly and shamelessly about your situation because you did nothing to be ashamed of. Are you able to share this experience with your wife? Or maybe with a friend, or therapist of your own? If not, I'd recommend you read a few books to gain some insight from survivors into how to begin/continue your healing process. What you're going through makes total sense, and does NOT make you crazy, though I'm sure it must feel that way to you. Being exposed to sexuality at such a age kind of resets your wiring and encourages you to expect such treatment from men in general. Even though your rational mind knows this is incorrect and inappropriate, your instincts need to be "rebooted" which takes time and practice, often with the help of a caring professional.
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