I'm glad I sent you a "Merry Christmas" text w4m
It was good to hear from you.
But there are still some things about that night at dinner that I wish I could say...but I don't know if it really matters. I just wish I could tell you that you blew up before I could even explain what I was really trying to say. The fact that you treated me that way is what makes me question if this really even matters...to me.
What I was really trying to say that night was not that I wanted more of a "commitment" from you... I had the perfect amount of commitment...I wasn't attached at the hip nor did we have to answer to each other...but I didn't need to be out there in the fucked up dating world either where men that I say out loud to "I don't want to date or fuck you"...send me pictures of their dicks. FML
I was saying that I feel like I'm a great catch....and my point was simply that I was lonely. I didn't want to be as committed as we were and be lonely so often. It just seems ridiculous. I couldn't share my bed with someone else while I was dating you...still can't....but I didn't want to be alone all the time either while being committed to the extent that we were.
So there was never a trick...you weren't "hood winked" My point is that I just didn't want to sleep alone every night and I wondered if you "wanted" more of that too...but I didn't know how to say that then. That's the "more " I wanted...."the need for your want." Your want to spend more time with me...to share our beds together more than one night a week....maybe an afternoon here or there...maybe an occasional night out. Because I deserve those things!...and soooo much more! We could have "talked" about it instead of your yelling. There was no reason to yell...it is what it is and neither one of us could do anything bout it...it always just is what it is...no need to yell about it.
I'm sure by now you're all moved into your new house...living closer to me (ugh)...I wonder if "now" you would be able to understand...coming home to an empty house every night sucks...I bet it would have been nice to have someone to share your bed with a couple nights a week. Sucks to be us. And it sucks that you crushed me so unfairly and let me go so easily.